Log the Fifthteenth - Captain Bonny

Well, it seemed that unless we were willing to kill every man-jack (and some of the wimmen and children too, if I know me crew) in Crystal Lake Town on the way to Moabs hidey-hole, it might be best to rescue the twisted old shamans boy and get shown the back door. Had we put it to a vote, perhaps the killing would have come out on top, but it seemed like a lot of work compared to a rescue mission so I exercised some leadership and called for a rescue. What the hell, if the rescue goes bad, maybe wed have to go with Plan A and massacre the town anyhow. Win-win situation, really.

I cant help but feel that all this jail-breaking we do is getting to be a habit. We oughta be pickier about our friends from now on, though. First a skinny pink-ape bookworm, then a bastard greenskin with delusions of grandeur, then a hundred year old undead former bastard turned insufferable do-gooder, and finally now the number one son of a gaggle of tree-dwelling sideshow attractions. A nice, single, elf princess looking for a charming sea-captain/warlock would be nice, Fenmarel. Just sayin.

Anyhow, plans are made. Mistress had some interesting ideas, most o which involved chaining us up. Not a bad idea, at least it fit her talents and interests. But unless you count overwhelming explosions, the best plans involve invisible aerial ogre-borne assaults, I reckon. And Im just the Captain to see such a plan through.

After some heavy spelling from yours truly, away we went, over the walls, in two ogre-fistfuls. Except Quartermaster Jee-to, as Mister Ogosh said hed rather nap in the grab-grass than lay hands on that orc-kisser. Ah, who can blame the lad.

We rendezvoused on the ledge around the temple-dome, figuring the poor mutant-boy would probably be held in the area, for easy sacrifice. Looks like theyre redecorating the dome, and theres some sort of religious hanky-panky going on inside. Silly buggers probably kissing a stone idol of Moabs barnacled arse or something. Fine by me, especially as a false god grants no spells, far as Ive heard. Straightening these benighted primitive pink apes out should be easier than those Yarash loving scum, thinks I.

Were peering in the windows, hoping they havent tossed freak-boy into the lake yet, when someone notices a bamboo prison just behind the temple, with a decidedly post-human prisoner in it. Fortunately, theres just the one, so figuring out which one we want isnt subject to much debate. Unless theyve already tossed the one we want into the lake, in which case the mutants should have given us a better description of their little lost lamb.

So, theres only about 7 guards nearby, and as a group, were about as quiet as a bell-peddlar having a fit. So I sends the sneaky buggers of my command crew to fix the bars quiet like while the rest of us try to stand still without any conversation. I spice up the deal with a little distraction enchantment Id been working on, so the guards are pretty much marooned when Mister Ogosh twists an opening into the cage wall, and our target shoots through. Oh, our target looked like a human bent into a dog shape like clay. Now, his father looked like a drowned spider with five eyes poked out, so Im guessing the boy took after the mother, who mustve been a real schnauzer.

The quiet team apparently explained things pretty good to Dogboy, as he played along pretty good. I watched him sailing off, presumably in Mister Ogoshs steady grip, and gave the guards a taste of my spider curse to keep their minds off of their longbows. The withdrawal seemed to going smoothly (hard to tell when everybodys invisible) until some female temple flunky ran out, and cancelled my hard-conjured web. This was a little more spellpower than Id expected out of these primitive screwheads, so either Moab became a deity, or these short-timers have had a religious reformation. Useful to know.

Somehow resisting the urge to blast her with all the pyrotechnics at my disposal from the safety of my improved invisibility, I flew off, after determining there was no immediate pursuit.

It was back to the tree village, for another vegetarian feast, and of course, the heartfelt gratitude of all. Living in trees, vegetarian living, these mutants werent half bad. Born human, turned animal, and hearts of proper elves.

After telling us that the town dwellers religion had finally found some teeth (thanks for yesterdays news, chief) the chief had Dogboy show us to the entrance of the escape tunnel that the chief had virtually no memory of escaping from.

Dogboy would have nothing to do with the cave beyond showing us where is was, and it probably had something to do with his extremely powerful nose, and the fact that the cave smelled like Jee-tos cabin after Oyster-Tuna Chili night. Speaking of Jee-to, he began to rant about how this cave must be filled with stirges, so he doused himself in that cheap rum he likes to swill, and tried to talk the rest of us into following his lead. He kept saying the smell of rum would keep the little buggers off of us. I just figured that if stirges had a sense of smell, Jee-to had nothing to fear anyway, and he might as well saved his grog. A decision that would have tragic consequences, as we shall see.

Poor Mister Ogosh, we found some more narrow tunnels. If nothing else will get him on a slimming diet, these caverns will.

Anyhow, once into the stink, the caverns were clearly pretty much natural, if narrow. They meandered until they widened, into a cavern honeycombed with smaller tunnels. Rats, says Mister Kenby, our zoological expert and exterminator extraordinaire. Keep quiet, and dont hang around, or there could be trouble. Mistress even came up with a subtle spell of calming, a little music to soothe the savage beasts, as it were. Shes a strange one, but an enthusiastic hand on the whip.

Anyway, the quick and quiet approach seems to be working, until poor Mister Jee-tos turn to traverse the cave came. Poor devil, I can still hear the screams. Mister Kenby figures the sweet smell of rum is what drove en mad, and caused them to swarm our poor, lamented quartermaster. Kenby, Lucky, Mistress, Ogosh, Spaako, and even Lucian tried to rescue our champion of Harrimast, but to no avail. There were just too many rats for anyone to kill, and all they got was savage, but tiny, bites for their troubles. Finally, to stop the poor, screaming cleric from being savaged to death by rats, we withdrew and I cleansed the room with blazing hellfire. Alas, we had waited too long, and Mister Jee-to succumbed to the cleansing fire, and was beyond saving. As Captain, felt I should say a few words. Then, we had a moment of silence, which lasted maybe thirty seconds, and then we fell to stripping the body. Our attitude was subdued, and we hardly bickered at all as we cut the rings from his fingers and divvied up his belongings. We must remember to toss his carcass in the ocean should we come this way again.

Some more infernal looping, and more rat-swarm holes, (although they seemed quiet either they had been in on the explosion, or had gone that way for BBQ after the fact) until we found a shaft heading straight down. Upon determination that it was deeper than about 60 feet, we proceeded onward. We found a larger cave, with a pool of water and an eye-blistering stench. (Alas, poor Jee-to, it were not you, this time)

Apparently, twelve foot tall ravening mutant two-headed giants are very stealthy, for there were three of them in that cave, and they got the drop on even the keen senses of Mister Lucius. A fierce combat broke out, occasionally punctuated by blistering explosions until the party was too close for comfort. We battled for our very lives, as Mister Lucius and Mistress were snatched from the very ground, and Spaako was clubbed nearly senseless by a single gnarled treetrunk. Or perhaps it clubbed some sense into him, as he tried to retreat at that point. Hard to tell, with greenskins. Anyhow, between Mister Lucius low blows, the good Capns patented magical havoc, and Mister ! Kenby seemingly losing his mind in a singleminded assault on the massive hellbeasts, they were laid low. Jee-tos loss was mourned all the more, now, as some of the battle damage seemed grave.

Well, at this point the cavern complex had run out of options, except down. The only portion of the caves that remained unexplored (barring rat tunnels, which even Milo Copperpot couldnt have scurried down) was the deep shaft down. Of course, to reach the bottom of Crystal Lake, wed have to have gone down anyway.

As Mistress and Mister Lucius peered over the edge, judging its scalability, I gave Mistress a firm push into the void. Well, it just so happens Id been working on a new trick, but Id be damned if I were going to try it on meself first. So down goes Mistress, but the trick worked fine, and she fell soft as a drifting feather. Into a nest of snakes that saw us to be snack-sized. Fortunately, the falling spell worked well enough for all of us, and we dove to her rescue. Except Mister Ogosh, who was at the top holding the rope. I wasnt sure my new trick worked on him, and I didnt want the big lug falling atop of me. Plus, if I were out of tricks for the return trip, that rope and Hanss thick arms would be the next best exit.

Past the cavern of the expired serpents, whose tunnels seemed to join the rat holes a hundred feet above. Ah! The rats! Mister Ogosh! Well, actually, I suppose the rats had easier meat, with Jee-to, three Ettins, and a couple hundred of their near relatives all lying about up there. Oh well, the tunnel got real tight like in spots down here, so we couldnt bring him with us anyhow.

We crossed a raging stream a little ways on, with some clever thinking, Mistress second best traveling whip, and another of my store of tricks. We halted at that point, as Mister Lucius fancied he heard footsteps behind us.

Log the Fifthteenth - Lucky

Chapter 1: Wherein the stealthy crew of the Lady’s Favour effect a bloodless rescue from the jaws of the Moabites and earn the gratitude of the hidden village

It grew dark while we waited in the trees outside the compound and the plans were as thick as the gnats who found every chink in our armour. Mistress proposed leading us into the Moabite compound dressed in our finest chains; I favoured swimming under the dock and sneaking onto shore, but in the end the captain’s vote counted strongest. We would, under cover of night and the magic of invisibility board Mr. Ogosh and soar like wee birds or giant, smelly, flying ogres over the fortifications and onto the observation rail of the temple.

The mission was clear. A secret entrance to Moab’s underwater lair was known, but not to us. He that knew, the leader of the hidden village, offered to reveal the secret in exchange for the rescue of his shaman’s son from the compound. We would know him to see him, we were told, and though some of us were skeptical, this proved to be true as north. The only problem left was how to get into the temple, where our objective was surely ensconced. We decided to cross that bridge when we reached it.

As soon as we cleared the walls of the village on our magic ogre, we realized that the temple would remain safe as houses from our desecrating natures, as our captive – who nearer resembled a hound than human - was caged in a bamboo prison near the center of the village. And with a mere 5 guards, we knew the caper would go off in fine fashion. Since our designated meeting point was on the walkway, anyways, we peeked in the windows of the temple. There was a ceremony of sorts in progress – more good news for us, since most of the population would be in attendance. Jee-to surely knew the purpose of the ritual, but - perhaps wisely - he kept his own council. Mr. Ogosh returned from his second trip, and with our group reconvened, we hastily altered our plan.

Myself, Mistress, and Kenby, as the lightfooted contingent of the crew crept down to the cage, where I alerted the shaman’s son to our presence and intent. The clever dog-boy lent his aid to our endevours with the cover of his body, and scratching with a hind leg to cover any noise we might make. When the vines securing the bamboo bars were sufficiently scored, our dear Mr. Ogosh freed the wall from its neighbours and the shaman’s son from his confinement. He then ferried Kenby and myself – all of us invisible – and the shaman’s son, who was not, to safety. Amid the chaos of the villagers, Ogosh had no trouble retrieving the remainder of the party from the compound, just as we once again began to take form, and we sped into the jungle where we remained as invisible as before.

Thus it was we returned to the hidden village, jubilant, with the anguished cries of some unknown, frustrated blood god sounding from the hills in the distance. And there was rejoicing and singing into the night for the return of the Shaman’s son, for he was favoured in the village for his keen nose, and uncommon sense, though all who lived there were so valued, as their differences knit them tight as bone. And we were wreathed in laurels, and impressed upon that this village would be as a home to us when ever one were needed, and never again would we be greeted with suspicion and poison’d spears.


Chapter 2: Of the decent into the earth. An encounter with a family of giants and an unexpected demise

Air spilled out of the cave like the rancid breath of some enormous carrion bird. It was the sort of smell that reminded you of the open sea, under a stiff breeze with the salt spray gently stinging your eyes. It was the only way to keep from gagging. The cave smelled of Jee-to sprayed by skunk. The passages were tight and winding; it was impossible to keep our bearings, and we moved slowly, to remain aware of any “surprises” that may have been left to discourage us. We discovered enormous rat warrens, and a shaft leading to a distant lower level, but the only real surprise was the shard of rock that grazed the back of my head.

Giants they were! Three of them, or six, depending on whether you counted torsos or heads. I was immediately put to mind of the story of Goldilocks and the three great big figging ugly bears who smelled of death and sauages. Giants, I say! I didn’t reach the little one’s belt, and even Ogosh barely topped the female’s great saggy tits. I don’t know where they were hiding, but the first I knew of them was the adult male’s massive mace exploding into the wall beside my head, sending shards in all directions. If I hadn’t kept my wits and dodged to the left, this would be a much shorter story.

While I was busy dancing with the male, the female ran up and put Mistress in a big, ol’ bear hug and started dragging her to the back of the cave. I managed to get one good cut across her hamstring before baby bear grabbed me about the waist and immediately started arguing amongst himself over which face was getting the tastiest bits. That was all the incentive I needed, and after several long and painful seconds, I managed to wriggle free. Even over the din of the combat, and the roar of the captain’s fire magic, I could hear Spako and Lucien – yes, Lucien – climbing over each other in an effort to reach the front lines. What’s a poor little elf to do? I tried to stay out of Kenby’s way as he and an invisible Mr. Ogosh slowly tore the giants apart – a truly heartless Kenby taunting baby bear about the tragic death of his parents. This little bastard deserved it; my ribs still hurt if I try to laugh.

That’s when I found Jee-to. He was sitting in a little pile of rock shards. There was a dent in the side of his head, and blood and brains on the wall behind him. Jee-to was still kicking when I found him, but I don’t know spit from healing. I screamed for a healer, but I guess everyone assumed I was calling for Jee-to, and he slipped away before anyone else reached him. After a short service, I dragged our healer’s body into a small pond at the rear of cave. It was the closest we could come to a sea burial, and that’s the way he would’ve wanted. Seems the giants had similar ideas; the pond was littered with corpses. I’ve been feeling sniffly lately; hope I’m not coming down with something.

I’ll never forget Dirty Jee-to’s last words, “Back off, Jack. It ain’t as bad as it looks”.



Chapter 3: The shaft. A raging river is crossed.

Bless Cap’n Bonny and his magic. As it turns out, the shaft was over a hundred feet straight down and a pain in the ass to climb. Fortunately, Cap’n knows a spell that thicks up the air and makes falling down a well just like falling through water. He put a fright into Mistress, though when he pushed her in afore he cast the spell. Who knew there’d be vipers at the bottom. When Mistress screamed, we all tumbled after, and when we got to the bottom, we made short work of the snakes. The passage out was far to small to be squeezing ogres trough without making paste, so Mr. Ogosh waited at the top with a rope to haul us out.

Mountain streams boil and rail and fall down waterfalls. Even in my magic coat, swimming across this stream was almost certain death. Fortunately, it wasn’t terrible wide, and I figured I could jump it. Just as my feet leave the ground though, Kenby grabs my boots, and I fall flat on my face. Seems he figures he’s got a better idea; we got this potion of spider climbing and Kenby drinks it down. Then he hangs over the middle of the river, and dangles Mistress’ whip for us to swing across. This turns out to be great fun, and we all cross without mishap, except for the cap’n, who forgot to let go. Kenby had to ferry him across, hanging ignominiously from the dangling whip.

“Lucky” Lucious, the Magpie, First Mate on “The Lady’s Favour”

Log the Fifthteenth - Kenby Worthington III

We spent the night resting an' planning our rescue of the village chief's son. Lucky wen' up to the village to scout it out and reported back with the location of the town guards. We got near the village when the good Captain Bonny done turn us all invisible. We grabbed onto Ohgosh and then flew over to the temple. While waiting for the others to come over, we noticed a cage behind the temple that appeared to hold some sort of dog faced creature. Me an' Lucky went down and contacted the son, telling him to remain quiet while we cut the ropes. Somebody must have coughed over on the other side of the cage, but the son helped us by blocking the guards from our view. Once we had the ropes cut, Ohgosh came over & bent the bamboo bars of the cage. The son ran out and Ohgosh grabbed him and flew off with us clinging to his legs. Now keep in mind that all of us were invisible except for the son. How the sight of a dog flying away must have appeared to the villagers, and how would the guards explain it? We all met up in the forest and returned the son to the village of Mutos.

The next morning we left for the secret entrance to Mhoab's lair. The stench of the feces of a carnivore was almost overwhelming, but there were no conclusive tracks to and from the cave. We followed the walls, some of them appearing like the holes in Jee-to's socks with more rats than one cat could eat in a lifetime crawling through them. We came on a cavern with a large hole, but decided to explore all of the caves before we went down. Lucky entered a room just a short ways from the hole when he was accosted by some large two-headed giant. Two more appeared in the room, one of them obviously a female and the other must have been a child of some sorts. The female went and grabbed the mistress. Seeing the mistress in distress caused me to snap, to lose it. Two blows later, the female relaxed her grip on the mistress after falling in a pool of her own blood. I turned my attention to the male who seemed to be fixed on Spako, our orcish companion. One solid blow from the sword must have hit his sweet spot as all his organs done spilled all over the ground. I looked at the remaining two-headed giant and told him he would be
joining what I guessed were his parents.
Unfortunately before I could land the killing blow, the good Captain Bonny killed him with his hellbolts.

The fumes from the giant's feces must have done turned Lucky's mind as he decided to take a swim in their watering hole. He came back out, but he didn't look so good. Jee-to done said he would have to examine him more after some rest.

Finding no other passages, we went back to the hole. Now the fumes must have overcome the Captain as he went and pushed the mistress down the hole, although he did whisper a few words as he did so. Evidently she must have landed fine, although Lucky did drop a dagger after her (the hilt of it glowed good). Soon after the dagger hit ground, Mistress let out a scream. I tossed Ohgosh a rope as the rest of us dived down the hole (the hole was too big for him). Whatever the Captain whispered must have made us fall as light as a feather. At the bottom, we could see Mistress being accosted by two poisonous vipers of the species Agkistrodon halys. One had already been killed but I saved Mistress from the other. She's gonna owe me one for saving her life twice in one day. We had evidently landed in their lair as the bones of their prey were strewn all over the floor.

A small narrow passage went off to the side, and Mistress was nowhere to be found. Evidently she went down the passage, so we followed her. A swift moving stream about 15 feet deep and 10ft wide was blocking our way. I drank a potion that allowed me to cling to the ceiling while holding onto Mistresses whip. All of the crew except the captain and Jee-to swung across using the whip. Now the combined scent of two-headed giant & snake feces as well as the sight of fresh,swiftly moving water must have gotten to Jee-to's head as well. He went and tried to jump the stream and missed the whip completely, falling into the water. If it wasn't for the extremely strong current, we might have been able to save him as well. Hopefully his body will wash up somewhere, preferably not in someone's water supply. Realising we had lost our only healer, I carried the Captain over as we didn't know how long I could be able to cling to the walls. What are we going to do now? Maybe we could seek redemption of his death in dedicating the recovery of the treasure of Yarash to Jee-to's memory.

Now where do we find another healer? Even more important, who's going to replace him as quartermaster on the ship? All this and more in next week's episode.

Kenby Worthington III, Pilot & Navigator, Lady's Favour